Going through a divorce can be very difficult, irrespective of whether you wanted it or not. The whole process can turn your life upside down and make it hard to keep up with daily activities. As you grieve for your lost marriage, you may feel confused, enraged, alone, and uncertain about the future.
According to the Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory, divorce is the most stressing life event, coming only second after the death of a spouse. Marital separation from mate, detention in jail or other institution and death of close family member come third, fourth and fifth respectively. Of course, when facing a divorce, you don’t need anyone to tell you how stressed out you are. The reality of the matter is you are much more interested in how to manage the stress than determining the amount of stress you are going through.
So, without further ado, here are some tips for dealing with divorce stress:
You should not go through the divorce process alone – no matter how strong you think you are. Talk to your friends and family about it, and when you feel overwhelmed, you should seek support from a professional therapist or counselor. Many divorcees find immense help through group therapy – you can too. Group therapy allows you to share your experiences with other divorcees, and this can help you feel less alone.
Allow yourself to grieve
Divorce, no matter who wanted it in the first place, is a loss. That’s why you can never push it under the carpet and move on with life. Permit yourself to grieve your divorce, your partner and the life you shared. Allow yourself to feel anger, sadness, rage, resentment, cautious, fearful and so on. Be ready to face a range of unexpected emotions, and allow yourself time and space to grieve for your loss.
Refocus your energy
One of the best ways to refocus your energy is by engaging in physical activity. Activities like swimming, kick-boxing, hiking, walking, aerobics and so on are excellent for relieving stress. They will also help you release any built-up frustration, consequently, lifting the cloud of negative feelings commonly associated with divorce.
Avoid power struggles and arguments with your spouse
Arguments and power struggles tend to leave behind a bad taste in your mouth and is something you’d rather avoid for your peace of mind.
Don’t talk about your new found love
If you are lucky enough to find another lover before your divorce is finalized, it may be a good idea not to talk about the new relationship just yet. Although you could be very excited about everything that’s happening, it’s in your best interest to keep your cool until the divorce is finalized.
Avoid being selfish
You’ve probably heard of the Dutch saying that goes like those who can’t ‘divide’ (capital) aren’t able to ‘multiply’ either. This applies perfectly in divorce cases. If you and your spouse can wish each other a successful future and aren’t selfish, the both of you win. It may be hard at the start, but fulfilling later on and that’s where your new future starts.